Growing old before your time…


I never realized that depression would feel quite like this until I was deep enough into it that I realized that is where I am.  I had admitted to myself on particularly bad days that I was depressed, but I didn’t think I was “clinically depressed”, whatever that was.  I’ve never felt the deep pits of despair, never even considered ending it all.

But all of a sudden I realized that I just wasn’t interested in anything. Going out, being with friends, reading, writing, playing music, listening to music, exercising, cooking, photography–all those things that used to help define who I am just didn’t seem all that much interesting.

Luckily I’ve had my family with me–Lovely Wife, Little Guy, Baby Girl–who do still matter.  In particular, Lovely Wife has been so supportive in helping me realize what was wrong and facilitating getting help for me.  Long after many spouses may have thrown up their hands in exasperation, she is taking those vows seriously.

Along with that jerk Depression, his good buddy Anxiety is always there with him working in tandem.  It seems like whenever I have a handle on one of them, the other decides to crank himself up to sabotage my mood. 

As of today, I am starting this blog as a journal on my journey back to health.  I hope to pick up some readers along the way–those of you that can help or encourage, or perhaps be helped and encouraged by me.


A few years ago, when Lovely Wife and I were a newly minted married couple, I had discovered the joy of working out–specifically running.  I used to think that “Runner’s High” had to have been an oxymoron.  But that summer, as the days went by, the miles piled up, and the scale went down, I learned to really take enjoyment from the activity.  Then I suffered a bout with back spasms, and have been off the exercise rails pretty much since.   Messieurs Depression and Anxiety haven’t helped the cause.

So part of my journey will also include physical fitness.  There are many boogey men that getting in shape will help me keep locked away in the closet.  The word “Moobs” comes to mind.  So does the phrase “Type II Diabetes”.  In order to be accountable in this area, there has to be a quantifiable measurement, so *gulp* here goes: 273 lbs.

As part of my total fitness goal, I have signed up for Bike MS: Pedal the Plains.  Multiple Sclerosis is a disease that affects more than 400,000 Americans.  Not only will the ride help me towards my fitness goals, but the money raised will be going to a great cause.  I encourage everybody to click on the link in the sidebar to visit my page and make a donation.  If you are in my area, I also welcome you to join my team.


I have decided to always end with something a little less serious.  The subject will change, but expect some common recurring subjects.

One of the things I love is music.  On a great tip I have recently been listening to Ray LaMontagne.  This particular song reminds me of where I am right now. 

1 Comment

Filed under anxiety, depression, fitness

One response to “Growing old before your time…

  1. Tammy

    Way to go babe! I’m so proud of you! 🙂 I can’t wait to read more!

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