The Belated Mothers’ Day Post

Last week I had a pretty major event happen, one that I was a little worried about.  For six months I hadn’t told my parents that I had found my Birthmom. 

My Mom and I were talking on the phone about concerns that we have about my sister.  My sister, who is also adopted, suffers from depression as I do.  However, I am afraid that part of her coping mechanism is alcohol.  My Mom related to me that she knew a little more about my mother than she did about my sister’s.  That was pretty much all that she said that day.  The next day, we continued the conversation.  My Mom told me about friends that had found their biological families and the various things that had come from their meetings.  Somehow, I just knew that she was going to ask me.  I invited her to our house, where I shared info and pictures of my biological family.  My Mom was of course sentimental, but overall it went better than I thought it would.  I really should have given her more credit. 

Later last week I went to the drug store to buy Mother’s day cards for Lovely Wife, Grandma, my sister, and of course both of my Moms.  I realized while I was picking out cards that this year I would be celebrating Mothers’ day rather than Mother’s Day.

I suspect that there is a question that both my Moms have.  “Did we do the right thing?”  One mother who bore the physical pain of giving birth, and who loved me so much that she gave me to a woman that she would probably never meet. The other mother who knew the pain of infertility, and although she felt the joy of holding her new son, undoubtably she  also felt compassion for the girl who made a heart-rending decision and took a leap of faith.

I can never say which life would have been “better”.  I am sure that I either way would mean trading heartache for heartache and triumph for triumph.  I do know this, however.  Many years ago, my mothers gave me a family.  Within the last year, I have been welcomed back into another family.  What a blessing it is to be a part of those two wonderful families.  Today I can state unequivocally (in two statements that sound redundant, but aren’t) an incredible truth.  I love my Mom, and I love my Mom.

I am so lucky to be able to celebrate Mothers’ Day.


Filed under adoption, Mother's Day, personal

3 responses to “The Belated Mothers’ Day Post

  1. Lovely post, Ryan 🙂 You have so much to celebrate this Mothers’ Day! Also, happy belated birthday to the little guy!

    • Thank you, Emily. By the way, you didn’t miss the “Big 3”–we celebrated this last weekend, but his actual birthday is this Friday :). I will give him a hug for you.

  2. What an absolutely splendid post. It’s warm, and human, and completely without sentimentality.

    I suspect both moms are extremely proud of you, and rightly so. Not everyone is so understanding, or accepting. I’m really happy for you.

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