Around this time of year, we start doing strange things that just don’t happen any other time of year. Some of them are great. Making lots of cookies. Giving gifts to those we love. But there are a few that have always had me a little perplexed.
Kissing Under the Mistletoe
When in the history of the world has this ever worked for anyone (besides movies of course)? Think about it. You are either creepily hanging out under the mistletoe, and people are noticing this and staying the heck away. Or you have waited all night for that special person to walk by you. When you see them approaching you stand up and rush over there, but mis-time yourself and run into your sister or your Uncle Ed. Even now that I am married it doesn’t make sense. I don’t need a reason (or a specific location) to kiss my wife.
Why do people keep up the charade of liking this disgusting stuff? You are liars. Liars! Is it because you don’t want to hurt the feelings of the people who are serving it? Why don’t you sit down with them and have a little talk. They probably hate it but continue to serve it because they think your feelings would be hurt if they didn’t. From today on I am starting a new Christmas beverage tradition. Merry Christmas! Have a Scotch on the rocks.
Radio Stations that Switch Over to All Christmas, All the Time
Really? Yes, people do like Christmas music. Apparently this year they also liked Rebecca Black. Yet I don’t see any stations playing All Rebecca Black All the Time. So do us a favor. Continue to play Metallica, or Lady Antebellum, or The Beatles, or whatever is right for your format. Have a designated Christmas time slot. It will give us an idea of when we should schedule making our cookies.
A few problems here. I don’t especially like peppermint. They take forever to eat. And as you are sucking on a candy cane, it turns into a sharpened stick of eye gouging, tongue piercing perfection. All with a handy-dandy handle. No, if you want to serve something minty, please have some Andes mints around instead. My tongue thanks you.
The Merry Christmas vs. Happy Holidays Debate
This one seems to only have picked up steam in the last decade or so, but it is annoying, isn’t it? Do you really think people are sitting in their office, maliciously thinking of ways to undermine Christmas while they sneer and tent their fingers together à la Mr. Burns? I have two hypotheses about how “Happy Holidays” came about. 1) It is a heck of a lot easier that saying “HaveaMerryChristmasandaHappyNewYear” *gasp for air*. 2) Happy Holidays covers both Christmas and Hanukkah, which (and I don’t know if people have noticed this) happen to fall around the same time every year. I see you in the back raising your hand. People are just saying “Happy Holidays” to advance their secular agenda? Hogwash. If this was their honest intention, wouldn’t they say “Happy Day Off of Work”? Or at least say “Happy Holidays” with a sneer in their voice? I haven’t experienced either.
So Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and Happy Holidays.