Good-Bye 2011

2011 is almost over, so time for me to assess the good and the bad of the year.

Bad:

1: continued depression

2: back and hernia surgery

3: worrying about things that I cannot control

Good:

1: surgeries have and mental treatment have helped my well being

2: Growth of my family relationships: working through “for worse” and “in sickness” with my wife; watching my children grow; new honesty and openness with my parents and sister; meeting my brother and continued growth and reconnection with my biological family

3: blogging as a tool to help organize my thoughts and feelings.

Thank you all for reading and commenting.  Tomorrow: looking forward to 2012

 

 

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Little Guy’s Greatest Hits.

Image via Wikipedia

OK, this one just happened today, but it is too good not to share.  We were getting ready to go to our daycare Christmas party.  Little Guy (now 3) and I were in the car waiting for Baby Girl and Lovely Wife.  Little Guy piped up with a question: “Daddy, what do you want for Christmas?”

I thought for a bit.  “Um, Peace on Earth.”

He pondered this for a while before replying, “Oh.  How ’bout a juice box?”

For all of those celebrating the season, I wish you a Merry Christmas.  For all others I truly do wish for Peace on Earth.  Juice boxes for everyone wouldn’t be so bad either.

A Slight Diversion.

I had to share this quick thought.  Tonight before the kiddos went to bed, we all laid on our bed: Lovely Wife, Baby Girl, Little Guy, and me all cuddled up together, with Wonder Pup at our feet, reading stories.  Have you ever had one of those moments that you wish would never end?  Those few minutes were the happiest I have been in quite awhile.  I now have a new “Happy Place” when I am stressing.  What is your extra-special-go-to moment?

Two Girls Revisited

Earlier this month, I wrote about my two wonderful nieces who happen to have Autism Spectrum Disorders.  As I have noted, April is Autism Awareness Month.  April also happens to mark both of their birthdays.  These incredible young ladies are on my mind quite a bit, and I wanted to share something that I think it is not only important for parents and family of kids with autism, but for all parents in general.

When my older niece was diagnosed with autism, my sister and brother-in-law were able to enter her into an early childhood preschool program to help her develop social skills.  There were still struggles, but as the time to send her to kindergarten drew closer, it became evident that she would be able to enter a “normal” elementary school.  Going to mainstream school seems to have helped her flourish.  Maybe it was the extra interaction with kids, maybe it was the structure, maybe she was just ready.  In any case, like I have stated before she now looks and acts pretty much like a typical tween.

My younger niece would follow the same footsteps.  She attended the early childhood program preschool.  Although she wasn’t as advanced as her older sister when it came time for kindergarten, program administrators along with my sister and husband agreed that she would be able to attend an elementary school in a normal classroom setting.  The one difference is that she has always had an individual aide assigned to her. 

Flash forward to a couple of months ago.  She is now in third grade.  The principal requested to meet with my sister.  The school had made the decision to transfer my niece to a special education classroom at a different school.  This was quite distressing for my sister.  Like many kids with autism, changes in routine can be traumatic for my niece.   It turns out that being in a smaller classroom has had an incredibly positive effect on her.  She genuinely enjoys going to school now.  She won an award for citizenship at her school.  She has even been able to go off of one of her behavioural medicines, which has had the added benefit of letting her slim down considerably.  The other day she had a swimming party for her birthday where she invited kids from her old class.  It was so great to hear the kids tell her how much they missed her.  Although I am sure that she misses them too, I can’t help but think she is happier now.

As parents, how many times to we try to fit a square peg into a round hole?  My nieces have taught me that each child is unique, valuable, and respond differently, whether they have a “disability” or not.  We worry that Baby Girl doesn’t talk as much as Little Guy did at the same age, but we neglect to remember how incredibly verbose he was for his age.  Yet, she seems to have motor skills that are far ahead of what his were at her age.  It seems that we will never stop learning from our children.

As a reminder, please visit Autism Speaks for more information on children with autism spectrum disorders.

UPDATE: Please visit this awesome site.  Autism Love Hope.  She makes awesome jewelry that you can use for gifts or to help spread awareness.

WEDNESDAY FUN: My first artistic endeavour

Earlier this month I spoke about my sudden desire to create some art, and I wanted to share my first painting:

I was actually pleasantly surprised.  While I obviously have amature level skills, I went about it without much of a plan.  The sailboat is going away from stormy waters towards calmer seas and the sunrise, an obvious metaphor for overcoming depression.  What I didn’t plan was that the side representing the future is much more blurred, and the brush strokes follow no pattern.  An added, but not purposeful metaphor.

What a weekend

This week I am going to eschew my normal philosophical musing type posts.  I am doing this for a couple of different reasons.  The first is that now since I have established a blogging style, it is time to sprinkle in a few other things.  Secondly I wanted to talk about a few things that are important to me.  Last, I don’t want people to start thinking that my entire life revolves around depression and anxiety (be prepared to still hear mention of those).  I do experience and observe other things in life.  If you do like the other format, fear not!  I have plenty of topics still in the hopper.

This weekend we went to visit my bio-family.  What a great time.  Just a quick synopsis of how my relationships shake out:  After I was born and placed for adoption, my parents did end up getting married.  After getting married they had two more sons.  After getting divorced, Mom married her current and second husband, and they had a son and a daughter.  I am roughly 2 years older than Brother 1 (I couldn’t come up with nicknames that were clever or that weren’t completely dorky, so this is what you get) 3 years older that Brother 2, 9 1/2 years older than Brother 3, and 19 years older (kinda weird to think about, but so cool) than Little Sister.

After several failed attempts I still hadn’t met B3, and mom had mentioned how she would like to see Little Guy and Baby Girl.  It almost didn’t work again, as B3’s completely adorable little one (10 months) was going through diapers like a hot  knife through butter, and he had a lot of homework to do.  In the end Mom convinced him to come, as we could all go do something and take the baby with us, so he could have the house all to himself.  I am so glad that it worked out.

Within minutes of getting there on Friday and settling down, LG climbed up on Mom’s lap with a book.  If we hadn’t done anything else for the whole weekend, that sight was pure gold.   Soon, B3 arrived with his fiance and little one.  his fiance came in first and almost asked my what I was doing there before she realized who I was (B2 and I look so much alike).  When B3 came in we shared a big brotherly bear hug (loving the alliteration there).  The kiddos had a great time with their cousins.  In particular, Little Guy had a ball with B2’s daughter who is about the same age as he is.

Mostly, though, I had a great time.  We all got to talk about things serious, silly, philosophical, and fun.  LW commented on how strange it felt that everything was so comfortable.  I was a little worried that B3 and I wouldn’t have as much common ground with me as the others because on the surface we seem the most different, but that is not at all how it turned out.  By the time we left, BG who is normally quite shy had warmed up to Mom. 

We talked about the next times that we would be getting together.  I left feeling recharged.  I am so tired today, though!  It was definitely an eventful and satisfying weekend.

MONDAY FUN: YouTube Music Favorites

Joe Bonamassa

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…

When dealing with depression and anxiety, there are definitely good days and bad days.  Right now the bad days seem to outnumber the good days.  What is really frustrating, however, is when the bad and good manifest themselves in the same day.

A couple of weeks ago Lovely Wife found a deal on a local Groupon-type website for a night’s stay at a local hotel which has one of those indoor water parks.  She also told my sister (who has three kids of her own) about it.  They decided to use the coupons on Wednesday, as the older kids didn’t have school Thursday or today, and Little Guy and Baby Girl didn’t have daycare.  I was all in for this little staycation.

Close to the time that lovely wife was going to meet me to head out, my sister called me.  She had left her coupon at her house and was already at the hotel attempting to check in.  No problem–I agreed to run to her house to pick it up and take it out to her.  I called Lovely Wife to let her know about the small alteration of our plans and that I would just meet her and the kiddos.  What followed was a frantic back and forth phone call session between me, Lovely Wife, and my sister.  I could feel the tension building up until it reached critical mass.  After about the fifth phone call I took on the way to my sister’s house (we live about a mile apart) I snapped and started yelling over the phone at Lovely Wife.  In the past she would have probably become defensive and it would have escalated from there, but recognizing what was happening, she stayed calm and talked to me until I calmed down as well.  It wasn’t a major anxiety attack, but my mind was racing until it just shut down and stopped taking information.

When we finally starting swimming, though, I was feeling better.  After awhile, Lovely Wife and Little Guy (almost 3) went off to play on the slides, leaving me in the super shallow end with Baby Girl (1 1/2).  What followed was the most serene feeling that I have had in weeks.  Watching Baby Girl splashing, jumping, smiling, and giggling put a huge smile on my face.  It of course didn’t hurt that she would stop every couple of minutes to give me a big hug.  In the placid, chlorine soaked indoor pool, I was riding a wave of euphoria.

The good feeling didn’t last.  Perhaps it was the adrenaline from the anxiety episode, or maybe the good feelings, or maybe just the discomfort of sleeping in a hotel bed, but I didn’t sleep that night.  As in, at all.  Does anybody else experience this wide range of feelings in a single day?

JUST FOR FUN – The World According to Little Guy

We are always so proud of little guy.  For his age he speaks quite well.  He is always curious and asking questions.  Of course this can often lead to quite a few humorous moments.  The following exchange took place a couple of weeks ago:

Little Guy (holding up empty pop–soda for those outside the Midwest–can):  Is this beer?

Lovely Wife: No, it’s pop.

LG: Can you show me beer?

LW: No, eat your cheese.

LG: So I can have beer?

LW: No, you can’t have beer!

LG: Oh.  Can I have bubbles?