When dealing with depression and anxiety, there are definitely good days and bad days. Right now the bad days seem to outnumber the good days. What is really frustrating, however, is when the bad and good manifest themselves in the same day.
A couple of weeks ago Lovely Wife found a deal on a local Groupon-type website for a night’s stay at a local hotel which has one of those indoor water parks. She also told my sister (who has three kids of her own) about it. They decided to use the coupons on Wednesday, as the older kids didn’t have school Thursday or today, and Little Guy and Baby Girl didn’t have daycare. I was all in for this little staycation.
Close to the time that lovely wife was going to meet me to head out, my sister called me. She had left her coupon at her house and was already at the hotel attempting to check in. No problem–I agreed to run to her house to pick it up and take it out to her. I called Lovely Wife to let her know about the small alteration of our plans and that I would just meet her and the kiddos. What followed was a frantic back and forth phone call session between me, Lovely Wife, and my sister. I could feel the tension building up until it reached critical mass. After about the fifth phone call I took on the way to my sister’s house (we live about a mile apart) I snapped and started yelling over the phone at Lovely Wife. In the past she would have probably become defensive and it would have escalated from there, but recognizing what was happening, she stayed calm and talked to me until I calmed down as well. It wasn’t a major anxiety attack, but my mind was racing until it just shut down and stopped taking information.
When we finally starting swimming, though, I was feeling better. After awhile, Lovely Wife and Little Guy (almost 3) went off to play on the slides, leaving me in the super shallow end with Baby Girl (1 1/2). What followed was the most serene feeling that I have had in weeks. Watching Baby Girl splashing, jumping, smiling, and giggling put a huge smile on my face. It of course didn’t hurt that she would stop every couple of minutes to give me a big hug. In the placid, chlorine soaked indoor pool, I was riding a wave of euphoria.
The good feeling didn’t last. Perhaps it was the adrenaline from the anxiety episode, or maybe the good feelings, or maybe just the discomfort of sleeping in a hotel bed, but I didn’t sleep that night. As in, at all. Does anybody else experience this wide range of feelings in a single day?
JUST FOR FUN – The World According to Little Guy
We are always so proud of little guy. For his age he speaks quite well. He is always curious and asking questions. Of course this can often lead to quite a few humorous moments. The following exchange took place a couple of weeks ago:
Little Guy (holding up empty pop–soda for those outside the Midwest–can): Is this beer?
Lovely Wife: No, it’s pop.
LG: Can you show me beer?
LW: No, eat your cheese.
LG: So I can have beer?
LW: No, you can’t have beer!
LG: Oh. Can I have bubbles?
reclaiming ryan 